Me and the library

Ever since I was a kid I have loved bookstores, libraries and office supply stores.  Bookstores because I like the way they smell and more magazines a girl will ever need.  I also feel like the bookstore is kind of like a casino.  There are no clocks and you can blow a lot of time and money in them.  A library is one of my building blocks to getting my life together and hoping to get a lot done.  I will look up from my computer and see other adults typing away with notebooks and papers piled up.  It makes me want to ask them if they are on the same road I am on.  I have been on the road of, I know I am on the road but maybe I am going the wrong way.  I know what I love and what I want to do.  I know how to do it but, I let the echos of old chatter decide what I can and cannot do.  Each time I sit at the library I feel like all the BS that others seem to think can’t come near me.  It is like the table I sit at is force field against those who say no.  Today I am still working on a yoga article that I owe Triple Crankset .  I have this mind block of..”there is noway you can write this.  I have a million ideas and I can’t funnel them into one good one”…I have a fear of completing things.  Yes, you read that right.  I guess if I finish something there always seems to be something else to do.  Basically I have become lazy and comfortable with just getting by.  I feel sick to my stomach writing this and total panic about posting it.  I have not been living the yoga I teach.  The amazing thing of yoga..there is no end, no perfect and no comparison.  I have been living..trying to find the end of where I am supposed to be.  I search for a place where I can be the perfect Mum, wife, teacher and athlete. I talk and type of training and my bike but I feel lame because “compared” to others I suck and I am slow.  So with my fear of completing projects:  In yoga I have no fear of pushing my edge to get deeper in a posture. In yoga there is always another posture from the one you just figured out.  In yoga you do not search for the end you search for the now.  In yoga if you look for the prefect you will always be looking..it doesn’t exist.  In yoga there is no attempt to compare.  I am too focused on my breath and my mat to be anywhere else.  So I guess the library is my place of “what’s the game plan”.

 

I swear I write a training plan out once a week.  I change  it and never really do it.  I don’t write about it because then I would have to do it.  If I did it I would have to put myself out there to complete something and let others compare me.  As I type this…I realize how wacked this all sounds.  I kinda lost my way.  So I guess the library is also a place I can organize myself enough to know what I want and how to get it.

 

Now, office supply stores…They are a place where I find total happiness..I kid you not all those things to organize myself to stay on top of my game..to spend a lot of money for stuff I will use for about a week…I always run into other women and they say the same thing..I don’t know what it is.  I used to love getting new school supplies- it is kinda like the tabula rasa of the learning process.  Wow this was a total babble..I hope you all have a great weekend.  

xoxo

Pip

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3 Responses to “Me and the library”

  1. PaulDRamos Says:

    i love your honesty and the depth of which you reveal yourself. this is beautiful. thank you for sharing.

  2. PaulDRamos Says:

    I hope you rode today. 🙂

  3. What is it that they say? Recognizing the problem is the first step. You can do anything that you set your mind to. You’ve done it before, you can do it again!

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