I haven’t blogged in a long while…I believe since my last blog I have had surgery and a few other pitfalls…Surgery has taught me much and how my love for yoga is just as strong as for my love for cyclocross! But, I have learned that, GD, I take so much for granted. Each year I ride in 24HOB in memory of my dad and those who are fighting or lost the fight against cancer….This, is the first year I have yet to start training ( my Dr. won’t clear it..a few years back I had cells removed and made sure I was on my bike in a couple of weeks…this year, my body wont allow it) but, next week me and my fixie plan on a lot of saddle time. The thing is since last year much has changed….It has been just me and Monks and a few that we hold close to our hearts…I have learned, yet again, how family is the anchor..the core,..the center, that I am lucky enough to have! Family…is blood or those that know your truth..they are the folks that know you when you are at your lowest and your are at the highest and there is no change as to the love they have for you…I have family and friends that know me when I am done and when I wanna quit but , they know that there is still a flicker that my past ( be it my Dad. friend or hell a kid I coached or someone that I said hi to) knows or understands there is a reason to fight the good fight or to push other folks BS to the side…It is Memorial Day and I am lucky enough to have someone in my life that reminds me of the great freedom and choices we ALL HAVE…at times it may not seem like it. We might feel confined by our own truth..it is our own personal choices or the BS box we let others declare to be true…but, when our heads hit the pillow each night it is our own personal choice….a choice others lost much ….for us to have..GOTTA LOVE THE GODFATHERS
When I was in middle school (I think 7th grade), when everyone was getting carnations on Vday from a school fundraiser, I received my first rose from a secret admirer. ….I received roses every year from 7th -12th at school from the same secret admirer with a note telling me I was perfect the way I was…Then freshman year in college…all the way until I was 26…during that time I lived in Charleston, SC…Boone, NC..Auckland, NZ and Charlotte, NC…I tried to find out who it was…I (at 25) only found out Feb 15, 2000..I was at work and I received a dozen white with pink edged roses…I got upset and a friend asked what was wrong..I said to be honest I always thought it was my dad (he died a month prior)…..I called my mum and she explained to me my dad had sent me roses since 7th grade (bc I didn’t seem to believe I was loved and where I needed to be)..before he died he asked my mum to make sure they were still sent every year so I wouldn’t forget I was were I needed to be…I have to be honest, over the years VDay hasn’t been a big part of my life…and yeah, I kinda forgot how fantastic it feels for someone to remind you..”it is all good…it will workout and I got your back”..Please, do not get me wrong..handmade cards from my son will blow flowers out of the water any day…but, there is something to say about someone having your back and knowing you well enough to call you on your bs and remind you that yeah, deep down you are pretty fantastic…We all have someone..be it from our past..present or…past that (thank god) has now become our present that reminds us that with all the bs aside..life is pretty fantastic…I have been reminded (even though I no longer get the roses from my dad)..there are several people in my life that sure as hell make up for it…I know I won’t get roses from a secret admirer tomorrow..but, I have two guys in my life who I never wanna be without!…Happy VDay kids….
Much love to you all,
Ps..you know my bag..I don’t reread or correct..so if grammar sucks…read another blog
If there was an indicator as to when we made an impact on someone it would be a hell of a lot easier…but, as far as I know life doesn’t work that way…Suck it up and realize each passing tick of the clock is an opportunity to be or witness that said impact
So now beyond the bs…that impact is either bad ass or full on suck…being a change or a shift in someones life is not to say that you are doing something amazing and in the right direction..you might be the road block or the reminder as to why a new direction is needed ( as they might be to you)…So here is my bag…personal choice…you chose…are they your road block or your opportunity to let your true bad ass come out???
Over the past few years I have kinda half ass made the choice…over the past 6 months I have let others really see where I fall short and guess what..they are still here the sun still rises…They too have days of not being 100% and my love for them does not change.
I would love to be able to say..”I do not need anyone…I have my shit soooo together that your words or actions mean little to me”…but, I also love the fact that yeah…I am present enough to get swept up with an outburst (they sometimes suck and hurt…but it is a moment that is shared…a moment that is a bubble of a relationship)…I am present enough to know that I wanna help if there is something that can be fixed…..to attempt to change my impact from less than “meh” to kinda there to help.
There are few things in my life that I know I am full on kick ass at….1) laugh so hard I cry 2) make less than great choices but find the good in it anyway 3) here is the deal with (3) it used to be let people unload on me..some call it “being a sounding board”…honestly, it’s letting someone unload with little respect towards you…but now (3) is being there when someone needs it…letting them unload but to a point!…
Guess what…sometimes those we love (or ourselves)…forget about the tick of passing opportunity or witness…we all forget that our present has bumped into those we are close to and we impact the choice of what they do next….
We are all at the constant state of opportunity or blame..dark or light..bull shit or straight up….take it or leave it….It is not all freaking rainbows and butterflies in the ol’ belly… Sometimes, at the end of the day, you pat yourself on the back with a faint smile….and realize your actually pretty cool with embracing the suck….sometimes it reminds you “the suck” now is so much less than “the suck” from the other day…
like I said…it’s all choice
I already ranted on my FB page…so the big ol’ PR machine let’s see how it goes
I’ve been having a hard time keeping up…I basically haven’t been riding or practicing..I’ve let lifes little flutters of change get in the way. Usually by now I would be well prepared for 24HOB this year it is not the case…I haven’t had that spark that usually pushed me into gear. Until this morning:
Over the past few months Monks (my son) has began to learn how unfair and random life is. He and my nephew go to the Fletcher School…My nephew was in first grade with a little girl named Erica Ely…Fletcher is a small school and my nephews class had a total of 6 kids, Erica being one of them. Yesterday was their moving up ceremony…I watched as H and then Monks walked the stage…But Erica was not there. Since the age of 2 Erica has battled brain cancer and last night she lost her battle….
I sit her in total sadness knowing that Erica’s family is going through this…I can not imagine the loss of a child. I can not imagine the loss of a sibling..My thoughts and prayers are with them.
I sit here in utter disbelief that my son and nephew have been touched by cancer yet again (the loss of my Dad…an amazing man they never met)…The other week Monks asked me why Erica had to get cancer and why medicine wouldn’t make her better. I had no answer….
As a parent I feel like I should have answers or at least be able to find them…..The same week Monks gave me $100 that he earned to donate to 24HOB he said it was for my dad and Erica…
The only thing I can do is help with the cause…help raise money to find an answer or a solution….
Please donate to 24HOB ( under the name Pip Gregson)…
My thoughts are with the Ely family..Erica will be missed
Yesterday..was a nutty day..My dog Taupo (17 year old bad ass..weighs 23 lbs) was attacked by Ethan’s dog Surly( 4 year old weighs 80 lbs AKA piggy)..All was well in the world..Monks and I were goofing around and Surly appeared in the doorway…and then grabbed Taups by the neck…McDade starts screaming and crying..I am doing everything possible to split them up..well, really remove Surly’s teeth from Taups throat. Taups was being thrashed around… blood is on the walls…I realize I am screaming..I do not scream all perfect pitch like in the movies…I sounded like a freakin’ banshee on crack..I remembered a vet told me if you’ve tried everything then kick the dog in the belly..I was barefoot and I tried to get up the courage to kick her..I look at Taups and I unload the meanest kick I could muster…uhmm..and what did I get nuthin’…I tried water..this went on for 5-10min..During this time our other dog Baxter doesn’t know what to do so he starts wagging his tail while watching.
Every parent has told their kid never use your hands to break up a dog fight…
Taups has been with me through college, boyfriends, fiancees, husbands…the death of my dad the birth of my son…she still runs when I attempt to walk her..
I grab Surly’s mouth pry it apart…she tries to get Taups again..I grabbed Surly’s head and took her outside…Taups crawled under one of our chairs…I rush Taups to the vet….The vet takes her into another room…a few minutes later the vet comes back..Taups rolls in with a shaved neck..The vet said I can’t believe I have to tell you this….
She is totally fine…she will be sore tomorrow..but she is one tough dog….
On the ride home….Monks offered some advice to me…”Mum, maybe we should get a kicking bag for you…your kick looked a little weak.
Really…??? I have never claimed to be this amazing super human..A mum that has an answer for all things (good and evil), a teacher who lives the perfect yogic lifestyle, a friend who is sooooo easy to get in touch with, a wife who can clean, fold, label and fix dinner in 5 mins, a cyclist who actually rides..But, in general I am pretty happy with who I am..I have been attempting to keep on the straight-ish and sometimes narrow path ( I personally feel straight and narrow sounds like an easy way to zone out on my travels). Yeah, I struggle with stuff and I go into hiding but eventually I figure things out.
I am a mum who remembers how hard it was in school to channel one controlled answer from a billion ideas bouncing around in the ol’ noggin. When the class was quiet I felt the need to fill in the space…I am not saying, “hey let your kids go nuts..let them be rude, loud and know nothing about other people and their needs and rights”…
I am a yoga teacher who has learned that nothing goes the way you want it to..when it looks easy it is usually hard..the cuter the name the harder the pose. I have been reintroduced to not filling in quite space with words ( I told you I struggle). As a teacher and a parent I have learned if you don’t bend…..YOU BREAK. Discipline is learned over time…yoga, riding, being a parent and being a kid takes discipline.
So, as the un-super human that I am..I try to live a, sometimes ,disciplined yet bending life. There are some self proclaimed super humans who seem to live a life that is run by schedules, charts and skills in all portions of life. In the past I had dreams of becoming that person…If being that person makes me a super “let me tell you where you need to change because I have figured out my life” human..
I’d rather be a sometimes correct mum…yoga teacher who gets frustrated in certain postures, a friend who is trying, a wife who can keep the house dog fur free, and a cyclist who needs a swift kick in the ass to get on her bike…
To those who have figured out the flow of life…I give you a thumbs up….no, wait a double thumbs up..you are awesome….There is no need to email or tell me..I believe you..
No, I really do….